Jonathan Brandis Forum

For Fans of Jonathan Gregory Brandis (April 13, 1976 -- November 12, 2003)
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 5:14 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:14 am
Posts: 66
Location: Transilvania
The job at the University was to take care of the teachers lessons, prepare hi's seminaries on environmental protected areas, and, my favorite part, to make a research on one of the protected areas (involving traveling).
There was not much to work so I had plenty of time to do my own things. But, instead of that, I got deeper and deeper into some sort of depression caused by the fact that I was facing an impossible decision:
My boyfriend, which I was dating for some years, told me that if I don't come to life in his town, we can no longer continue this at distance... He did had a point... 6 years miles away is painful... But how could I give up on my job?
After a few months the decision finally found it's own way:
The teacher I have been working for stated to act weird, putting his hands on my forbidden parts. How could he???!! He has 2 girls about my age, I could not understand. Fact is, I immediately resigned from the job.
I didn't had to think too much under this circumstances. But once I got home, in my head pop up a bounce of bad memories of obstacles and disappointments that I had during the last 3 years. I ended up believing it just wan't the right time and place for me to be who I wanted to be.


I looked for a job in my boyfriends town and I found one easy due to the fact that I know german. The job was in accounting. I still work there now after 3 years.


And I still live with....my husband... But everyday that I go to work, I fell like I am a zombie walking between the many people.
And today the zombie is late but I need to finish my thoughts. Because it is important to know that I NEVER thought about giving up, about passing to the other side... oh no... I want to fight life, I want to continue searching for a way to get my life back.
There is no "can't do"....but time is a tricky beast.

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There's no rule that says you can not do anything you want.
~'~
Formation of man is not free life. Human formation is when put to the test, when asked to merge with the Light.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 6:44 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:14 am
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Location: Transilvania
Regarding what I said before, I already made great progress towards my dreams.

But, I forgot to mention something about me...

Let me start with a memory of when I was younger:
I was sitting on the couch, at home, alone, being a bit bored, when suddenly I felt the taste of green olives. At the exact same time, my mother was at the store. And guess what she brought back home: the exact green olives.
I told her about this and she was not surprised.
She told me this comes from my grandmother, a "gift" passed to her, and from her, to me.

I got scarred about this. Tasting olives is nice, but not all feelings are nice. Sometimes I taste things which are not so nice and because I have no control over this, I ran away, I ignored.
I haven't felt things in a while... until a few days ago. That's how I decided to mention this here.

_________________
There's no rule that says you can not do anything you want.
~'~
Formation of man is not free life. Human formation is when put to the test, when asked to merge with the Light.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2011 6:46 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:14 am
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Location: Transilvania
It's been more than one month since I asked myself "Where have I been in the past 3 years?", and still... I am yet re-discovering things about myself. Things that I had forgotten even if I should have not. I did not yet forgive myself for forgetting who I am. But here's what I remembered yesterday:

Autumn 2002. I was leaving a party with two friends, in a cab.
It was 3 AM, raining, dangerous road. Another car came from opposite direction, directly into me (I was having the front seat).
My head was OK after the accident, but I remember I broked the front car glass. Strong head???!!
After all the shock, police and everything... I spent one week at home with my neck hurting.
The first thing that came to me when I was so close to death, was the following "I still have things to do, I have words that I have not spoken...".
So when I got home, after talking to my parents, I made my decision of going forward with my dreams and stop delaying my actions or inventing reasons not to dare to step forward when I really whish something. To live every day as if it would be the last one.


All things happen for a reason. If I did not had that accident, I would have not been what I am today. Even the fact that I met my husband would have not happened.
I should never forget that again. Beat me if I do.

DARE! Dare to dream! Dare to live!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb2YOg_dkQM

_________________
There's no rule that says you can not do anything you want.
~'~
Formation of man is not free life. Human formation is when put to the test, when asked to merge with the Light.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 5:33 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:01 am
Posts: 13
Wow, youre a fighter Pheobe.

I can relate to your story and how you decided to stick around and fight instead of giving up.
And the thing about being sensitive to thing that happens kinda in the right moment and being able to sence things.
My mom used to tell me when I was little and we still had contact, that both her and my grandmother had this special ability to feel and see/hear things that cant be explained. And that I had that too. Now, I was such a sceptical girl as a child, so I really didnt believe it all that much.
But today, as an adult and with everything Ive been through, I now believe, and understand what she ment.


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